areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Randomize
