Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
sex in a hospital.. check
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
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