guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize