you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
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