She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
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