I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Randomize
