Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
