I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
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