I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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