I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
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