People with herpes should wear stickers.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
