Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Randomize
