Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
grandma shit on top of the toilet
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
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