Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
Small penises have feelings too.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
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