I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
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