apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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