non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Randomize
