Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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