Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
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