I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
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