Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize