Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
