Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Randomize
