Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Randomize
