cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
