i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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