i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
