i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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