Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize