i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Randomize
