how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
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