sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Randomize
