This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
