Don't make out with my wife yet
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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