i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize
