when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
