Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize