i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Randomize
