ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
