You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Randomize
