Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Randomize
