It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Let's paint friendship bongs
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Randomize
