forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
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