I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
