that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Randomize
