Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize