she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
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