I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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