I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
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