Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Randomize
