the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
