Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Randomize
