I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize