I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
