Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Randomize
