Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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