I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
