Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
