Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize