i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Randomize
