I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize