Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
He kissed a someone with a penis
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
He did a backflip because drugs
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Randomize
