There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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