hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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