'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
