Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Randomize
