how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
