Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Randomize
