I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
I did not marry a roomba.
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