peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Randomize
