There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Randomize
