i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Randomize
