i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
