Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Randomize
