Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(541): View more from Oregon

Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.

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(306): View more from Saskatchewan

Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?

Fav 14 5208 1386
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(251): View more from Alabama

Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his

Fav 26 1571 7274
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(713): View more from Texas

Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.

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(248): View more from Michigan

He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.

Fav 8 2192 994
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(717): View more from Pennsylvania

I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?

Fav 3 2131 908
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(702): View more from Nevada

There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.

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(804): View more from Virginia

What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?

Fav 4 604 854
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(714): View more from California

i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober

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