I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Randomize
