you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I woke up under a house in Key West
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
