she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Randomize
