nut hugger
zippers are such a cool invention
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Randomize
