If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
