"it" just moved
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Randomize
