I love black thongs
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
No subtext here. People are naked.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
I just want to make out with him forever
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
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