Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
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