Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize