apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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