Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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