meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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