It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
