once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
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