now i know why i became what i already was.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
