i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
