It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize