found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Randomize
